Grace, grace, and more grace

The past two years of my life have been incredible, rewarding, and a roller coaster full of change.

To start, I am now a happy, grateful, blessed wife to a man after God’s own heart, and stepmother to his 12-year old, delightful and funny son. My heart overflows with a joy that I thought might exist, but was never sure I would experience this side of Heaven.

Overwhelming gratitude. Answered prayers. New beginnings. And, a massive amount of new life lessons. So much to learn… marriage, motherhood, communication, changing family dynamics on all sides, household routines, budgets, favorite meals, over or under?, folding laundry, chores, ….

Grace upon grace upon even more unmerited grace.

Above everything, that’s the biggest thing I have learned so far in my five months of marriage and mothethood: Grace, grace, and more grace. That, and how much grace our Father extends to us all.the.time. without us even knowing.

Another change happening is our family’s location, which subsequently will provide me with more time and opportunity for writing. We’ll see if it actually comes to fruition. … Maybe it will just give anyone reading this an opportunity to extend grace to me? 🙂

Until next time, I pray that you are able to extend grace to someone who needs it, and be willing receive it in return.

Xo

Retinitis Pigmentosa Simulations

I have a lot of wonderful, caring people in my life who ask me what it is like to have Retinitis Pigmentosa (RP). Unfortunately, it is not easy or simple to answer because 1) it is different for every person with the disease, and 2) RP is degenerative, so what might be an accurate description one year could be diminished in the next.

Fortunately, there are some very creative people in this world, and they have sought to explain what they see using video comparisons. I have found a few on YouTube that I think are extremely helpful in showing what it is like to live with a reduced visual field.

Here is a link to a playlist I created: http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLYpZu8YoO75PCNuBGMjy5cobdWVakNaeQ

For those with RP, I would be interested in knowing if these videos capture your world. For those with “normal” sight, I would be interested in hearing your reactions, thoughts and questions you may have.

I think it is so important to talk about RP and inform people that there are degrees of visual impairment. I suspect most people not affected simply assume the issue is black and white:  you either see or you don’t. Let’s talk about it and see if we can find a way to answer those wonderful, caring people who love us and want to help.

Today’s Thought

Disability does not equal weakness. Disability simply means I get from Point A to Point B a little differently than you do.

No craft was injured in the making of this… er, craft.

I tried to make a craft today. And by “craft” I mean, I tried to stick a magnet to the back of a champagne cork that I had been saving so that I could display it on my fridge. This wasn’t supposed to be rocket science. I had a cork, a knife, magnetic stuff, and glue. Easy.As.Pie. Yeah.

Do you remember how yesterday I wrote that I’m a bit rusty? Well, apparently this applies to my “craftiness” as well. Several years ago (okay, so now that I think about it, it was more like a decade ago), I was fortunate enough to be surrounded by some very crafty ladies. At the time, making glass magnets with magazine images as a background were all rage in our little group. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, which I imagine you don’t because I really didn’t explain it well, click here where this lovely lady explains it a whole lot better: http://www.notmartha.org/tomake/marblemagnets/

Back to the story… so about ten years ago, I bought all these supplies (craft glue, a bunch of small glass beads, and a magnetic strip that could be cut up) and assumed all could be used for my highly technical craft of today. Interestingly though, when you don’t use glue in a decade it dries up. And, when you keep wood glue outside in the winter, it freezes. And wood glue doesn’t really seem to stick to cork anyway. And when you never change the blades on your utility knife, the blade is so dull you can’t cut through cork. And when you store a magnetic strip in a coil for ten years, it’s really hard to convince it to lie flat.

Could’ve been so beautiful, could’ve been so right…

Please note the dried up blob of glue on top of the Tacky Glue bottle. Looks like it might be time to update the craft supplies.  If I do this well with a cork magnet craft, I bet you can’t wait to see what comes next!

so sad

PS – “The Chook” is a sparkling Shiraz that is beyond delicious! Try it, you might like it!

//

Beginning Again

Why is it so hard to start again?

I think about this blog a lot. Well, more recently than I have for a while, anyway. I want to write again. I want to share more. … I want to remember how to create sentences that do not rely so heavily on the “vertical pronoun.” 🙂 The desire is there, but I am rusty.

I would like to share about new things happening in my life, but I feel strangely stuck because this blog has focused primarily on the Camino de Santiago and living with Retinitis Pigmentosa. It brings to mind a post I wrote three and a half years ago about This Blog  (Amusingly, for all intents and purposes, it could have been written yesterday.)

For the time being, I will continue to let various topics grow together in this virtual garden. As I start writing more regularly, which is the goal, you may read about new topics such as: Clean Eating, DIY house projects, and Pinterest (I’m addicted), with continued thoughts on my journey as a single, Christian woman living with vision loss. (You’re on the edge of your seat, aren’t you?)

Lord willing, there also will be more posts on TRAVEL! Woohoo! 2013 holds the promise of a few different trips, including the Outer Banks of North Carolina and PARIS! (The use of caps is still my main tool for indicating how unbelievably EXCITED I am, and should not be confused with shouting. Merci.)

For now though, let me just say how much I appreciate all those who visit this blog. I wish you all to know how dearly you are loved by our great and merciful Father. Whether you are walking the Camino, struggling with vision closing in around you, or feeling alone as a single, mid-life adult – have faith! “For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord, ‘plans for well-being and not for trouble, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11 NLT)

Until next time…
Luci

//

I bought a house.

After six months of craziness, I find the end of the house buying process is really just the beginning of a whole new life.

I bought a house. With the grace of God, I bought a house. I find I have to keep saying it over and over because I am having a hard time letting it sink in. I bought a beautiful, 100-year old, 2-flat house.

I thought FINDING the perfect house would be the hard part, but it turns out the closing process was the most challenging. But it is all said and done now. I have the keys and mortgage to prove it. I bought a house. A beautiful house. I can’t wait to build memories here and see what the future brings. I can’t wait to use this house as an instrument of God’s light and love.

I bought a house!

Symbolism

Well, it’s official. I am no longer allowed to drive. Legally, anyway. I decided it was time to turn in my driver’s license and get a state I.D. card instead.

Technically, I have not driven since November 12, 2004 (see this blog post for details on “hanging up the keys”), but I continued to hold onto my driver’s license for… kicks? memories? habit?… Symbolism. That’s it.

I had to give up driving. I had to give up my car. But I was still able to keep the little card in my wallet that showed that I had – at one point, anyway – the freedom and independence that comes from owning and driving one’s own car. And now, my little piece of symbolism is gone.

It took over seven years to finally let it go.

In its place is a sense of acceptance. It is not lighthearted or joyful. Not yet. Mostly, it acknowledges that which cannot be changed: This is happening. I have RP. Just as the disease continually deteriorates, changes, and modifies my eyesight, so must I continually adapt. … Change. Adapt. Repeat.

Monday morning, I walked into the DMV with a driver’s license, and I walked out with a Class V1 Disability State I.D.

I have a new kind of symbolism in my wallet now.

*************************************

For more information on disability types and classes for the State of Illinois, please go to this website.

Disability Type: Visual (V)
A visual disability is a disability resulting in complete absence of vision, or vision that with corrective glasses is so defective as to prevent performance of tasks or activities for which eyesight is essential.

Class 1
A Class 1 disability is any type of disability which does not render a person unable to engage in any substantially gainful activity, or which does not impair the personʼs ability to live independently or to perform labor or services for which he/she is qualified. 

Visual Field Update

I have updated the “Specific Info About My Vision” page on this blog. (Look to the right and click on the link.) There you will find my latest and greatest Visual Field results from January 2012, and can compare them with the results from 1995 and 2006.

If you have any questions about Retinitis Pigmentosa, or living with it, just let me know!

LuciWalks @ gmail.com

I can still see magic.

I had an appointment with my eye specialist yesterday, to see how things were going (progressing, deteriorating) with my Retinitis Pigmentosa. After 34 years of these types of appointments, I confess I went into it a little annoyed.

Annoyed at having RP. Annoyed that I have to take three hours of my day to sit in a doctor’s office. Annoyed that I have to have my eyes dilated. Annoyed that I have to sit through another Visual Field exam. Annoyed that after I told my doctor that I *have* noticed a difference in the narrowing of my peripheral vision, he responded with, “I supposed you *could* have noticed a difference, but I don’t see much of a change on your visual field results.” Ugh. Not *could*, doctor. *DO* – I *do* notice a difference.

Annoyed that my yearly Visual Field results are usually met with the same reaction – “Not much of a change.” Really? Not much of a change? Then how did I go from daylight driving 10 years ago to using a cane now? How did I go from trick-or-treating as a kid to dreading any dimly lit settings now?

They – the people in charge – only seem interested in the year-to-year charted differences on paper. While I, the 38-year old living, breathing woman, am only interested in how this is impacting my life. There’s a bit of a discord there, and it leaves me feeling a little… annoyed.

In the end, I do realize that it’s not the doctor’s fault that I’m annoyed. He’s just doing his job, and he’s actually a nice guy who will show you a magic trick if you ask (even if you are 38-years old). Everyone who works in that office is wonderful too, which I why I don’t mind going, because it’s actually kind of fun seeing all of them personally and saying hello. But I’m not there for a social visit.

And, in the end, I realize the “annoyance” I feel is a choice. I can choose to be annoyed by this, and many other unpleasant things in my life, but what’s the point? It usually takes me a day or two after the appointment to get over the negative feelings, but then I remember all of the blessings that have come from my vision loss. And that is what keeps me going, praise God.

Retinitis Pigmentosa sucks. It really sucks. There are some days where you just have to allow yourself to acknowledge that, and maybe even wallow in it for a day or two. But then you have a choice. Do you choose to continue to wallow? Or do you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and remember how incredibly lucky you are that you can still see the magic tricks that come your way?

Christmas Movies!

There are two things you should know about me, if you don’t already: 1) I Love Christmas and 2) I Love Movies! Therefore, you can imagine my unadulterated joy and squeals of glee when those two things come together in the form of Christmas Movies.

I have watched a fair number of Christmas movies, but a recent Google search of “best Christmas movies” lists revealed that I still have many to see. Therefore, I have decided to make my own list… a sort of compilation of all of the “best of” lists I have found, along with a few other of my holiday favorites that are more cheesy/sentimental than “good.” (If I have seen the movie, I have added some thoughts/notes to share why I have included it on the list.)

• Babes in Toyland – Three versions of this movie – 1934, 1961 with  and 1986 with Drew Barrymore.
• The Bishop’s Wife – 1947 with Cary Grant.
• A Charlie Brown Christmas – 1965. (Adorable.)
• The Christmas Card – 2006, made for TV. Ed Asner received an Emmy nod for his performance. (Luci’s notes: Cheesy, Hallmark, romantic, feel-good type movie. It has flaws, but a little “suspension of disbelief” and a love for cheesy, Hallmark movies will leave you feeling all warm and fuzzy in the end.)
• A Christmas Carol – A whopping 26 movies with this title are listed in IMDB. I’d love to hear which version is your favorite and why.
• Christmas in Connecticut – 1945 with Barbara Stanwyck. (Can’t wait to see this! It’s next up in my Netflix queue!)
• A Christmas Story – 1983 with Peter Billingsley. (I know this is a favorite for many, many people. I haven’t seen it in years and should probably watch it again to see why so many people love it…)
• Christmas Vacation – 1989 with Chevy Chase. (I will always love this movie. One of my favorites, behind It’s a Wonderful Life and White Christmas. Classic. And who doesn’t love a John Hughes movie?)
• Christmas with a Capital C – 2011. (A delightful movie focusing on the “meaning of the season” as opposed to a love story or anything else. A great family movie… leaves you feeling warm and fuzzy and excited about the birth of Christ.)
• The Dead – 1987 with Anjelica Huston.
• Die Hard (Really??) – 1988 with Bruce Willis. (This movie was included on so many “best of” Christmas movie lists, I decided to include it here. One day I’ll see it, but until then, I’d love to know if others think of this as a Christmas movie too?)
• Edward Scissorhands – 1990 with Johnny Depp. (I probably would not have included it here, but it was mentioned on a few different “best of” lists.)
• Elf – 2003 with Will Ferrell. (Will Ferrell as “Buddy the Elf” won’t lead you to Jesus, but he will make you laugh. The escalator scene makes me giggle every time I think about it. Maple syrup anyone?)
• Gremlins (Again… Really??) – 1984 with critters. (See notes under Die Hard.)
• The Holiday – 2006 with Kate Winslet, Jack Black, Cameron Diaz, and Jude Law. (I really adore this movie. Especially the Kate Winslet storyline. It’s a delightful, feel good, Hollywood rom-com.)
• Holiday Inn – 1942 with Bing Crosby and Fred Astaire. Inspired the movie White Christmas. (Now that I have seen this movie, I understand why White Christmas is the more famous and watched movie. It’s enjoyable, but I confess I wanted to fast forward through a couple of songs… Sorry, Bing. Also, I know this movie was “culturally acceptable” at the time it was made, but a few scenes/comments were still hard to watch.)
• Home Alone – 1990 with Macaulay Culkin and Joe Pesci. (Loved this movie. Sweet, sentimental, family comedy. My favorite part was when “Kevin” unrolls his map of war zones/plans to catch the robbers.)
• How the Grinch Stole Christmas – 2000 with Jim Carrey.
• I’ll Be Seeing You – 1944 with Ginger Rogers. (Next up in my Netflix queue!)
• It’s a Wonderful Life – 1946 with James Stewart. (My favorite Christmas movie of them all.)
• Joyeux Noël (Merry Christmas) – 2005. (In the queue… Have you seen this? What did you think?)
• Love Actually – 2003 with everyone. (Enjoyable vignettes following people in and out of love. Love these Hollywood rom-coms.)
• Meet Me in St. Louis – 1944 with Judy Garland. (“Have yourself a merry little Christmas…”)
• A Midnight Clear – 1992.
• Miracle on 34th Street – 1947 with Edmund Gwenn and Maureen O’Hara. (Classic. Not one of my favorites. But a classic.)
• Mixed Nuts – 1994 with Steve Martin. (I’m a huge Steve Martin fan. It’s been a while since I’ve seen it, but I remember thinking it was pretty hilarious.)
• The Muppet Christmas Carol – 1992.
• The Nightmare Before Christmas – 2003 animation.
• The Polar Express – 2004 animation with Tom Hanks.
• Remember the Night – 1940 with Barbara Stanwyck.
• The Santa Clause – 1994 with Tim Allen.
• Scrooged – 1988 with Bill Murray.
• The Shop Around the Corner – 1940 with James Stewart. Inspired the movie You’ve Got Mail. (Delightful classic with a very young Jimmy Stewart.)
• The Sound of Music – 1965 with Julie Andrews and Christopher Plummer. (Okay, so this movie doesn’t actually have anything to do with Christmas… But when I was young, the TV networks would always show this around Christmas time, so I have come to associate it with Christmas. :))
• Trading Places – 1983 with Eddie Murphy, Dan Aykroyd, Jamie Lee Curtis. (I really like this movie. I dislike the “R” rated material, and feel it is completely unnecessary, but I really enjoy this story.)
• We’re No Angels – 1955 with Humphrey Bogart.
• While You Were Sleeping – 1995 with Sandra Bullock and Bill Pullman. (A young Sandra Bullock and a hilarious cast of characters make this an enjoyable Christmas-time movie.)
• White Christmas – 1954 with Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye. (My second favorite Christmas movie of all time. Highly recommend seeing this in a theater as a sing-along, if you can!)

What do you think? What is your favorite Christmas movie and why? What have I left off the list? I’d love to hear your suggestions!

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas!
Luci

Giving credit where credit is due, I pulled my list together with the help of these websites. (Their lists provided some of the titles above, but also include additional titles you may want to check out.):
http://blog.moviefone.com/2009/11/04/best-christmas-movies/
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/guides/best_christmas_movies/
http://www.empireonline.com/features/30-best-christmas-movies
http://www.bestromancemovies.com/top-romantic-christmas-movies.php