Super Pup

Today we hit downtown San Francisco! It was amazing to see Pup work around construction sites, jackhammers, barricades, and then cross six lanes of traffic with no problem. I’m starting to call her Super Pup for her rock star abilities in a big city and also because when she’s chilling out on the floor, she often like to stick her two back legs straight out behind her, so it sort of looks like she’s flying. All she is missing is the cape.

We rode on a public bus (dog boards first), and I learned how to tuck her cute little booty under the seats. We passed tons of dogs (or maybe it just felt like tons of dogs?) and she did well, compared to last week, but there is still room for improvement. Her pace was pretty fast today and I had to work to keep up, but it is apparently easier to slow down a fast dog than trying to speed up a slow dog, so I’ll take it. At one point on our walk, we passed an little toddler who looked like she was just learning how to walk. When she saw my dog, she let out the most delightful little squeal. It was adorable.

This afternoon we had another neightborhood route, followed by a trip to the pet store. Oh boy. That was an Olympic-sized test on my dog handling skills. Needless to say, I was pretty tense and stressed out by the time we left. Poor Pup just wanted to sniff everything, but I couldn’t/wouldn’t let her. She did end up with a bacon flavored chew toy though, so all is well that ends well.

Speaking of toys, Pup LOVES the Jolly Ball. She can’t get enough of it. If we are in our room and she hears another dog playing with it outside, she just stares at the door, willing it to open. Her favorite time of the day is when we have play time in the “paddocks” (an enclosed space with astro turf where she can run free). Here’s a pic of Pup in the paddock with a Jolly Ball:

As I settle in more I realize the stress I feel is from not only having to learn how to be a guide dog handler, but also how to be a dog owner. I think if it was one or the other, these two weeks would feel much more manageable. As it is, my poor instructors are fielding questions from me that range from “How do I work my dog on a street with no sidewalks?” to “How do I get my dog to take a pill if she has to?” Once again, I find myself feeling so thankful for the endless patience of everyone who works here.

Tomorrow is a BIG day. In the morning we are going to be tested on vehicle “interactions”, which apparently includes how our dogs respond to moving cars that stop suddenly in front of them, how our dogs work around cars that block sidewalks, etc. In the afternoon, we’ll meet with a GDB vet and review our dog’s complete medical history with them. And tomorrow night is our night route walk, which will be huge for me as I have so much less vision at night than I do during the day. Based on feedback from my home interview, I have been told that I grip the harness more tightly when it’s dark out, so Pup and I need to train with me gripping the harness differently than I normally do. (Seriously, the details that go into guidework are astounding.)

Big love to all of you following along! Thanks for all of the encouragement and support. xo

Week One at GDB

So.Much.Information. It’s been an long, full, challenging, emotional week and I am grateful to finally have a few minutes to sit down and reflect.

Sunday, August 6 – Arrived at GDB in San Rafael, CA. Met my six other classmates.

Monday, August 7 – Met instructors. Reviewed lessons on Communicating with Your Guide Dog, Obedience, and Guidework basics. Oh yeah, and we met our dogs.

I was excited to meet my guide dog and learn her name. We were told to spend the afternoon “bonding” with our dogs. My dog was brought to my room. We sat there and looked at each other. I have no idea if we bonded.

Tuesday, August 8 – Learned basic routes in downtown San Rafael. Reviewed lessons in Orientation and Learning Routes. “Worked” my dog for the first time as a guide dog. Started doubting my decision to get a guide dog.

I think I expected perfection. That’s what I imagined, anyway — Handler and guide dog gliding down the sidewalk together, gracefully sidestepping coffee shop signs and yahoos on their cellphones. What visually impaired person wouldn’t want that?

Here’s what reality looked like: An inexperienced handler and a highly trained, athletic dog (who have clearly not bonded, but are expected to read each other’s minds) walking down the sidewalk at a snail’s pace because the handler has no clue how to manage the dog. The dog senses the handler’s lack of experience and confidence and uses the opportunity to sniff every object and lunge after every dog within sight.

Wednesday, August 9 – Reviewed lessons on Street Crossing and Addressing Guidework Errors. Continued to rework set route in San Rafael. Major focus on pace as pup was either walking too fast or too slow for my gait.

The more I walked with my pup, the more stressed out I became. Distractions were everywhere and I clearly had no clue how to manage my dog. I couldn’t remember when to drop the harness, when to hold onto the harness, when to give a time out, or when to just walk on. My turns were getting sloppier by the minute. I was forgetting hand gestures on some turns, or neglecting footwork on others. Poor pup had no idea what to do when I instructed her to turn left while facing right, or when I gave the verbal command to go “Straight” instead of saying “Forward.” The good news was that she was going to the bathroom when and where she was supposed to, which given everything else going on, was a small triumph in my mind.

Thursday, August 10 – Reviewed lessons on Dog Encounters, Advanced Management and Handling, Care of Your Guide Dog, and Playing with Your Guide Dog. Continued reworking route in San Rafael.

Everything came to a head Thursday afternoon. We had a good morning route and our pace seemed to be getting better. But during the afternoon walk, she was slow and highly distracted. At one point, my dog veered off course in the middle of a street crossing to say hello to some random woman crossing the other way. Not good. I hit a breaking point: Should I continue with this dog? Should I try another dog? Should I go back to using my cane? I was overwhelmed.

My amazing, kind, knowledgeable, compassionate, caring instructors sat me down. We talked through the current situation and discussed a multitude of options available to me. We agreed to sleep on it and reconvene first thing Friday morning.

Friday, August 11 – Reviewed lessons in Guidework in Buildings (moving turns, escalators, elevators), Customizing Your Dog’s Vocabulary, and Clicker Training.

Decision time. I am sticking with my gal! I have no idea how it happened, but I think she and I finally started to bond! I decided to spend Friday morning going back to the basics. My hope was that if I could solidify my muscle memory of right turns and left turns, then I would have more mental capacity to tackle distractions and advanced guidework. It was a wise choice. After that, I focused solely on dog distractions with my instructors. Over and over, pup and I worked through a set-up and we finally started to click. She’s smart AND beautiful (not that there was any doubt)!

Friday afternoon, we headed to the local mall and this is when the magic moment happened. As a visually impaired person, malls seriously stress me out, and the food courts are the worst: running kids, flashing lights for kiddie rides, random chairs scattered everywhere, wet floor signs – you name it. But as I walked in with my guide dog, I realized I was gliding through the nightmare obstacles stress free for the first time in years. It Was Amazing. I had forgotten how freeing it was to simply walk and not be constantly scanning for things I might run into. This is why I wanted a guide dog! It was happening! It wasn’t perfection, but it was a moment of reassurance that I was on the right path.

Saturday, August 12 – Reviewed lessons in Walking in Areas Without Sidewalks, Leaving Your Dog Alone, Why Does a Guide Dog Work, and Addressing the Public. We took a morning walk in a neighborhood without sidewalks and then headed to the mall to learn how to ride escalators and go through revolving doors with our dogs. Saturday afternoon was our “halfway” review meeting with our instructors.

Halfway Review?! I’ve been here for a week?! I only have a week left?! Pride for my accomplishments was quickly followed by panic for all that is still to learn. Another opportunity to remind myself that today’s grace is for today’s problems. Tomorrow will have a different fountain of grace for tomorrow’s problems.

My classmates and I celebrated our halfway point by going bowling. (I’ll pause a moment while you envision six blind people bowling. It was as fun and entertaining as it sounds.)

Sunday, August 13 – Rest Day. No formal lessons. We got to spend 30 minutes rolling around with a bunch of six to eight week old lab puppies. Heaven for us. Then we learned how to give our dogs a massage. Heaven for them. And I concluded today with a massage of my own, which is just what I needed to separate myself from the craziness of last week and prepare for the craziness of next week.

It’s time to rest and get ready for a new day of grace.

Peek a Boo

Oh my friends, I know it was cruel of me to announce that I was about to get my dog and then disappear from social media for two days. Sorry about that. GDB recommends waiting a few days before sharing details about the dog you receive because it takes a few days of actual guidework to determine if the partnership will work for both you and the dog.

My dog is BEAUTIFUL! We’re still working out a few kinks and getting to know each other though. It’s hard to be patient and remember we’ve only been together for 48 hours. Here’s a “peek” (pun intended) of my new guide…. I promise I’ll share more soon! 🙂

Day 1 In a Nutshell: Early morning flight. Not enough caffeine. Crossed the Golden Gate Bridge. Arrived on campus. Dogs! Adorable dogs! Met fellow students. Toured facilities. Settled in.

First Half of Day 2 In a Nutshell: Welcome, Juno, Wheeler, Delicious Food, and Waiting…

The San Rafael campus feels like a resort. Staff and volunteers are sincere with their kindness, and eager for us to feel welcome. They have perfected the art of calm reassurance. The stress of the unknown is eased by their concern for our well-being, our safety, and our success as guide dog users.

And now, after 12 months of waiting, it’s time to meet my guide dog. EXCITED!

Let the Adventure Begin

I’ve landed safely in San Francisco and am enroute to GDB’s campus. Feeling exited and nervous. Beautiful day and view as we cross the Golden Gate Bridge to Marin County. 

I feel like my life is about to change and I wonder if reality will be as dramatic as my imagination. Like the picture below, I can’t wait to see what is on the other side.

What do you wish you had known before getting a guide dog?

i have been following a few different groups on Facebook about guide dogs, and I found this particular thread interesting and insightful.

The question is, “What do you wish you had known before getting a guide dog?”

I would love to hear your thoughts as well!

https://m.facebook.com/groups/597842593582991?view=permalink&id=1597481986952375

Juno, the Invisible Guide Dog

Part of the application process for Guide Dogs for the Blind (GDB) is a home interview with a practice walk with “Juno.”

Juno is the name of an invisible dog the instructors use to simulate guide dog work. The instructor holds one end of a rectangular harness and the student holds the other end with their left hand. The student is taught a few basic verbal commands (Juno, forward. Juno, halt. Juno, left. Juno, right) accompanied with physical cues using their right arm.

Image Description: In the center of the image, I am being led (blindfolded) by instructor Katt Jones, who is using Juno. My right hand is up, as I have commanded, “Juno, forward.” Photo Credit: LightHouse for the Blind – San Francisco Bay Area

Using Juno helped me understand what it would be like to use a guide dog, and it helped the instructor assess if I was able to trust the dog to lead me and not rely on my remaining vision. In the photo above, I am wearing a blindfold to help me learn how to “trust” Juno.

Before I used “Juno”, I was uncertain if a guide dog was the right choice for me. My central vision was still great at the time, so I wasn’t sure if 1) I would qualify, even though I was declared “legally blind”, and 2) if the dog would be a help and not a hindrance. Fortunately, I did qualify and, more importantly, I learned how a guide dog could be used as an additional “tool” to help me get safely from Point A to Point B.

If you are unsure if a dog might be right for you, I highly recommend contacting GDB and speaking with a representative there. They have been helpful, patient, and informative. What I appreciate most about them is that their concern and care is the same for both the student and the dog. They clearly care about the well-being of both.

If you would like more information on “Juno”, you might like to watch this video posted by GDB. I am also happy to answer any questions you may have!

-Luci

Guide Dog

On August 7, I will meet my guide dog from Guide Dogs for the Blind!

How did I get to this point?

On February 29, 2016, I learned that my Retinitis Pigmentosa had deteriorated to the point of legal blindness. (See previous post “Catching Up”)

On August 2, 2016, I submitted an online application to Guide Dogs for the Blind (GDB), not really knowing what would come of it. I still had great central vision, albeit less than 11 degrees, which I thought might prevent me from qualifying for a guide dog.

It took about six weeks to go through the application process, have a home interview, and hear back from GDB that I was accepted into their program.

Now, 10 months later, I’m finally about to meet my dog! Stay tuned for more updates as I go through training. 

Xo

Catching Up

It’s been a year since my last post and a lot has happened in the world relating to my vision.

Beginning earlier this year, I noticed I was not seeing things like i used to. One morning i tripped and fell over a large sidewalk planter. Another day I fell getting out of a taxi because I didn’t see the curb. And then there was the day I walked face first into a metal sign… The bumps and bruises were adding up, and my confidence was going down.

On February 29th I saw my opthamologist for the usual round of exams, including visual fields. This time when we all huddled around and stared at the paper charts, we realized that my remaining islands of vision combined were about 20 degrees. According to the US Government, I was now legally blind.

My doctor went into some sort of coping/therapy speech, anticipating that this would be devastating news to me. But I felt… Joy? Excitement? Basically, an adrenaline rush of massive relief.

FINALLY, I thought. After years of living between two worlds, not fully sighted and not legally blind, finally I felt like a round peg in a round hole.

For some reason I needed the label, the diagnosis, to feel justified in using my cane, or any other form of help. I always felt strange using a cane when I wasn’t “technically” blind. Basically, in the words of another RP’er, “I feel like I’m pretending to be sighted when I don’t use my cane, and pretending to be blind when I do.” It is a strange space in which to live.

After the “relief” wore off and reality set in, what followed was a period of mourning for me. And that is perhaps one of the most challenging things about slow vision loss: You grieve. You adapt. You overcome. Your vision changes. You grieve. You adapt. You overcome. Your vision changes.

So i grieved for a bit. I let myself feel the suck. The last time I grieved that deeply for my vision loss was 12 years ago, when I had to stop driving. This time was different though… This time I knew the cycle would end with me adapting and eventually overcoming.

Which brings me to today and my efforts to adapt to my new “status” and ever changing vision loss: I am currently enroute to San Francisco for a week of Orientation and Mobility training at the SF Lighthouse for the Blind and Visually Impaired. And then next August 2017, if things go as planned, I will receive a guide dog at Guide Dogs for the Blind.

Exciting times ahead, my friends! Thanks for joining me on the journey.

between two worlds

Something I’ve been thinking about lately… Why do we feel a need to fix everything?

The majority of RP/blindness social media groups I follow are filled with articles of new research to cure blindness, and people wondering, questioning, lamenting, if/when a cure will be found.

I used to be one of them.

Lately though, I have started to wonder why. Why fix my slow vision loss? Why not stand and revel in the miracle of what it is to be half-sighted and half-blind? It is a completely unique and beautiful position. Why not savor it, learn from it, sit with it, and live in this beautiful moment, accepting it as it is?

I am not afraid of it.

Not anymore. I am not sure when the shift from fear to acceptance happened. Perhaps it has been a slow progression, just like my vision loss?

Fear consumed me when I had to stop driving. So many unknowns… Eventually the unknowns shifted into knowns as I leaned on family, friends, public transportation and my own two legs, and discovered they would support me. They would not fail me. I gained confidence. Acceptance. I can do this… This vision loss.

I do not feel the need to fix it. Not right now. I confess I am tickled pink at the privilege of being in a place so few others have known… Half sighted, half blind.

I live on the fringe of two worlds and it is as exotic and enchanting as one could hope.

Stay with me and keep following me as I unveil this crazy, beautiful place. There is much to share and see.