The Gift of Singleness

I’m single. And Valentine’s Day is coming up.

Normally, when these two things coincide, it makes for an interesting day: I wake up in the morning, remember that it’s Valentine’s Day, debate whether or not to wear something red, sincerely try and be happy for those who have found romantic love, and then try to ignore all the red and pink hearts and flowers and balloons around me.

In the evening, I might indulge in a Jane Austen adaptation, or some other cheesy, romantic movie, and eat an insane amount of Nestle Tollhouse chocolate chip cookie dough while lounging on my couch in my flannel pajamas.

And then comes the night. Tired from what can be an emotional day, and with visions of Mr. Darcy dancing in my head, Valentine’s night is when I really struggle. It’s when my brain kicks in, and I start questioning why I am single, wondering what life would be like if I weren’t single, and – hardest of all to admit – it is when I start blaming God for my singleness.

Doesn’t He hear my prayers? Isn’t He supposed to know my heart’s desire? How many times have I confessed to Him that my single greatest desire is to be in a committed, Christian marriage? Why wouldn’t He want that for me too?

Perhaps there is a better way to approach this “holiday.” Maybe my annual struggle doesn’t need to end so negatively? And, here’s a thought — Maybe God has it all under control anyway, and I should just give it up to Him?

A couple of weeks ago, I was reading Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians, and found the answers I desired. In chapter seven, verse seven, he says, “…God gives to some the gift of marriage, and to others the gift of singleness.”

The gift of singleness.

God has given me the gift of singleness! I never thought of my singleness as a gift before.

Here I have been wishing and hoping and praying for one gift, while not realizing that God has already given me another. It gives me a whole new appreciation for being single. And now I find myself looking forward to Valentine’s Day, not just for Mr. Darcy and cookie dough, but because it is an opportunity to celebrate my singleness and to thank God for His gift.

For those of you who have found your love, I congratulate you on your own gift of marriage.

And for all of the other singletons out there, I pray that you also enjoy this Valentine’s Day, and seize the gift you have been given!

Blessings,
Luci

Practicing Patience

“Don’t be impatient for the Lord to act!
Travel steadily along his path.”
–Psalm 37:7

Patience. I am trying so hard to be patient. I want so much to be patient.

The Camino is over. My time of rest and reflection following the Camino is ending. I am ready to move on. I want to move on. But to what? Where?

“Show me the path where I should walk, O Lord;
Point out the right road for me to follow.”
–Psalm 25:4

Patience…

Waiting in Hopeful Anticipation

Hope. Peace. Joy. Love. . . Preparation. Anticipation. Waiting. . .
All words describing Advent season, one of my favorite times of year. This Advent, I have been spending a lot of time thinking about what it means to “wait in hopeful anticipation.”

During my post-Camino time at home, I have been feeling a little lost about what I should do next with my life. It feels counter-cultural to do so much sitting and resting and relaxing, but, at the same time, I really enjoy it. It is a wonderful and rare blessing to be given such a “time out” from the busyness of every day life.

This past weekend I took another pilgrimage of sorts, this one was by train, back to my old hometown and friends and church family. Over the course of the weekend, through wonderful conversations, I began to see that it was okay to be right where I am: waiting in hopeful anticipation.

I don’t know what I want to do next, and that is okay because I haven’t felt God give me that direction yet. Instead, what God has given me is this time of rest, this time of peace. Waiting in and of itself is an active thing, and waiting with hope, or in hopeful anticipation, of my future and the unknown is what Advent is all about.

I recently read the following on the daily devotional website “D365.org”:

As people of faith, we know that waiting is central to our journey with God. Throughout history, the faithful have had to patiently wait for the One whose sense of time is not the same as ours. Amidst our waiting, whether patiently or impatiently, we hear the reassuring words of hope from the prophet Isaiah that
God works for those who wait.
–Brian Prior, November 30, 2008, http://www.followingthestar.org/

To those of you reading this who find themselves in a similar place of unknowing and waiting, I offer you the encouragement and peace that comes with this Season of Advent:

May you dare to HOPE:

“Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.”  –Lamentations 3:21-26

May you feel the PEACE that transcends all understanding:

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  –Philippians 4:6-7

May your heart be filled with JOY:

“The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy.”  –Psalm 28:7

And may you always know the LOVE of God that is yours through Jesus:

“No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  –Romans 8:39

When we embrace that “the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases,” we are able to wait
in patient hopefulness.
–Brian Prior, December 6, 2008, http://www.followingthestar.org/

The Return Home

“As you may know, I spent the last three months in Africa. A wondrous, magical place. But as shadows lengthen across the KBHR window, thoughts turn to homecoming. Journey’s end. Because in a sense it’s the coming back, the return, which gives meaning to the going forth. We really don’t know where we’ve been until we’ve come back to where we were. Only, where we were may not be as it was because of who we’ve become. Which, after all, is why we left.”
–Bernard, “Northern Exposure” Episode 3.21

Homecoming. Journey’s end. The return home.

It has been one week since I have returned. In that time, I have been catching up with family and friends, and rediscovering the joys of the mundane:

• Using shampoo AND conditioner, instead of a 2-in-1
• Not sleeping in a sleeping bag
• Doing laundry. For free. In a machine.
• Not wearing the same clothes every day
• Getting my haircut
• Walking up and down grocery store aisles in giddy excitement at all the food choices

I have also been watching the news and can now tell you what “The Bailout” is and who “joe the Plumber” most likely voted for on Election Day.

Mostly though, I have been reflecting… contemplating my recent 400-mile achievement and my unknown future… wondering how I can use the momentum from one to move ahead in the other.

Part of me feels lost and uncertain. Displaced. I have so much freedom, yet so little direction. Where do I go from here?

That said, another part of me feels found. My faith has been solidified. My purpose has been discovered. My confidence has been boosted from accomplishing such an outrageous goal.

How do I unite my lost with my found to create my future?

Baby steps, I guess. Living life one decision at a time. Living life with patience. Grace.

It’s a work in progress, but that’s where I am today. We’ll see what tomorrow brings.

Jubilee in Santiago de Compostela

Santiago de Compostela Cathedral

We Made It! 400 Miles in 41 days of walking.

FOUR HUNDRED MILES in FOURTY ONE DAYS. (Actually, it took 43 days, but two of them were rest days, so I´m not counting them.)

400 miles. Amazing.

Can you believe it? I can´t believe it.

The last two days went really well. No rain, just tired bodies and feet, but spirits were high.

Yesterday, as I started my last day of walking, I declared to Ann that it was to be a “Day of Jubilee.” I felt such joy! It was the best way I could find to express all of the joy in my heart. And, right before we arrived in Santiago, we climbed our last Galacian hill called Monto de Gozo, which translates to Mount of Joy. It was there we saw our first sights of Santiago de Compostela. Jubilee on Mount Joy!

Once we arrived in the city center around 2:00 p.m., it took us a couple hours to find lodging, but we finally did. At last, our pilgirmage was over. At least the physical one is over. I can only imagine the ways it will continue spiritually…

The Day of Jubilee was capped off with one last international pilgrim dinner with Penny and Terry (sisters from Canada), Niel and Mia (friends from Denmark), Rowan and Aiden (father and son from Ireland), and Ann and myself. (I even managed to have some chocolate cake, which only added to the jubilee.) As Ann and I walked back to our hotel after dinner, we walked among some street musicians playing traditional Galacian music. It was a perfect end of day to an incredible journey.

This morning, we treated ourselves to a nice long sleep in (9:00 a.m.) and then went and got our Compostelas from the Pilgrim Office in Santiago. The Compostela is basically a fancy certificate saying that we walked at least 100 kilometers to Santiago. (When I get home, I´ll scan it and post it on here for you.)

I have to be honest… this whole time, walking to Santiago, I didn´t think the Compostela would be a big deal for me. I mean, it´s just a piece of paper. But for some reason, it really meant a lot to me when I finally received it. It felt like exactly what it was… some kind of official recognition of everything I went through: the blisters, the tears, the foot pain, but also the joy, and peace, and love. When I look at that certificate, I don´t just see fancy writing… I see everything I went through to get here.

After receiving our Compostelas, we headed to the pilgrim´s mass at the Cathedral with 1000 of our closest international friends. After that, we treated ourselves to a nice lunch and now, here I am, sitting in an internet cafe in the middle of an ancient city that has been a pilgrimage destination for millions of people for more than a thousand years.

I have to admit, I´m feeling pretty proud of myself at the moment. One of the many reasons I wanted to do this pilgrimage was to simply see if I could do it. And I did. I had no idea that I was capable of such a thing. It makes me wonder what else I could do if I set my mind to it. It makes me wonder what anyone could do with enough love and support and courage.

Four Hundred Miles.
Four hundred miles of mountains and meseta.
Four hundred miles with 75 percent vision loss.
Four hundred miles of foot pain.
Four hundred miles of new friends, new thinking, and renewed faith.
Four hundred miles leading me to JOY.

“Stand at the crossroads and look;
ask for the ancient paths,
ask where the good way is, and walk in it,
and you will find rest for your souls.”
–Jeremiah 6:16 (NIV)

Stay Strong

I’m feeling slightly sentimental tonight, so please bear with me.

Today, I was thinking not only of the changes in my own life, but changes happening in the lives around me. Specifically, I have several friends who are in the process of big change, and I wanted to encourage them on their journey.

So, I guess the following is for them, as much as it is for me.

First and foremost: You Can Do It.

Stay strong. Stay focused on your goal of bettering yourself and your life, in whatever way that is. Have confidence in your vision for your future, and in your ability to bring about the change you desire. Have confidence in your pursuit. And if you ever start to waiver in that confidence, call me and I will remind you of the smart, incredible, and insightful person that you are.

Secondly, you know that saying about life being a roller coaster? Well, it might be over-used, but it’s true. You will face ups and downs, highs and lows, good times and bad. Roll with it. Enjoy the ride. You only get one chance at it, so you might as well feel the wind in your hair. Remember, you can do this.

Third, utilize the resources available to you (e.g. your friends, your family, your faith). It’s okay to ask for help.

Finally, you will doubt yourself and your choices. You will make mistakes. You might even find yourself wanting to return to the past, to the familiar, to the “known.” Hang in there. Love yourself and be kind to yourself. Grace is a wonderful thing.

You can do this.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. –from A Return to Love, by Marianne Williamson

Liberate yourself from your fear.

“May the Lord bless you and keep you;
May the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you;
May the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.”
Numbers 6:24-26