Rhythm and Repose

It’s hard to believe that a month ago today, on October 23, I arrived in Santiago de Compostela.

I miss the Camino. I miss the walking, the meditation, and the prayer. The physical pain I struggled with has faded in memory, leaving only pleasant thoughts of endless hours in deep spiritual contemplation…

I think I actually miss the meseta most… the long, shadeless stretches between towns… the sound of my step, the movement of my poles, the rhythm of the walk… all lulling me into a prayerful trance of love, peace, and joy…

Sometimes, when I close my eyes and quiet my mind, I can feel it again. I can feel the rhythm of my walk… my feet and shoulders all moving to the beat of some drum deep within me whispering: left… right… left… right…

It’s amazing how that rhythm comforts me, quickly transporting me to the spiritual calm that I now know resides within.

Not all days are rhythm and repose, however. Since I have been home, I have struggled to maintain any kind of rhythm or routine. One day slips into another and before I know it, the weekend is here again.

I thought I would love this. I thought I would love the freedom from everything, and attachment to nothing. I admit, it has been nice to have the downtime, but I am not “lurving” it. It is just “okay.” Mostly though, as the days start to blend together, I realize that life is slipping away. MY life is slipping away.

What happened to the woman who was so excited to be living THIS life? MY life? She’s still here. Somewhere.

I admit, I kind of went into a semi-coma there after returning home from the Camino. I think I just needed time to SIT. But now… now I just feel lazy. Sloth-like, you might even say.

I miss rhythm… routine… I miss having a plan, a purpose. What am I doing with my life????

This morning I had a chance to think about all of this. If I could live any kind of life, what would it look like? What are my priorities? What brings me happiness? What does my heart truly desire? What do I want more than anything else in the world? If I could create the best possible life for me, what would it look like?

The answers I came up with did not necessarily surprise me. What surprised me was my immediate excitement and willingness to make changes to achieve those goals. It was as if something finally clicked inside, and I realized that if I did X, Y, and Z, then I might actually achieve that “best life” I had dreamed about. How exciting is that?

So, I am making choices and it feels good. But what feels really good is knowing that all of these choices are leading (God-willing) to a good and happy life. My life. A life of rhythm and repose.

Tags: freedom, Post Camino, repose, rhythm, sloth